I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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