Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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