Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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