lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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