community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
