woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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