she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
