everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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