Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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