Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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