Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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