WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
