Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
