my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
