I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
