remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
