There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize