So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
