I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
