if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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