I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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