So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
