Did you just see the Batmobile???
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
