just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Kiss
Puke
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
