dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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