I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
ok first of all what the fuck
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
