I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
