I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
