We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
sarcasm needs its own font
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
