where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
