pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I am midnight drunk by noon
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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