Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
