Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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