Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
