...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
