Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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