Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
