I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
