So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
