That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
