you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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