party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I am one with the molecules
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
