So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
