she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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