He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
is that a dick in a sweater?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
