i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
me + whiskey = a bad person
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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