I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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