I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
