she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
