not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
