so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
