listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
is that a dick in a sweater?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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