Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
