Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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