so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
