She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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