Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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