I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
