ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
