do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize