Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
