She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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