areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
