Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
