it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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