how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
