My liver just broke up with me...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
