the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
