i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
