If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
