There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
