Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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