He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
