I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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