swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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