Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
