Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
