I would go down on you faster than GM stock
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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