I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
