zippers are such a cool invention
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
