yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize