Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
