RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
