Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
