Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
