i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
