Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
