so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
