omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
