Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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